Should I Get Back Together With My Ex?

Question: Should I Get Back Together With My Ex?

breakupThis is a difficult question to answer without the specific details of your relationship. For example, did you only date your ex for a month, or for three years? However, without the details of your specific situation, I will attempt below to help you determine whether or not you should get back together with your ex.




Introduction: What Are the Goals of a Relationship?

The fields of biology, sociology, psychology and social psychology have discovered the basic needs of all human beings. Obviously, any healthy relationship would help to meet these needs, while an unhealthy one would prevent them from being met. Therefore, any relationship that was helping to meet these needs is worth salvaging, while a relationship that wasn’t is better of left alone. In other words, if your ex boyfriend or girlfriend was preventing your basic human needs from being met, then consider it a blessing that the relationship is over.

The Basic Emotional Needs of Humans

Safety and Security

basichumanneedsThe first need all of us have is the need to feel safe and secure. This safety comes in various forms, such as physical, emotional, financial, etc. Did your ex violate your safety in any way? Was he or she physically or emotionally abusive? Did he or she use fear to control you? If any of these are true, then you are better off letting the relationship die. Do what you need to do to move on. Alternatively, a relationship worth fighting is one where the other went out of their way to make you feel safe, physically and emotionally.

Friendship and Intimacy

These are crucial needs that we all need to have met on a daily basis. Fear of intimacy is quite common and we all suffer from this fear to some extent. Mild to medium fear of intimacy can be tolerated. And, if you and your partner can become aware of your fears of intimacy and make efforts to work on them, then you can expect a reasonably healthy relationship. On the other hand, you should avoid a relationship with anyone who has more than a moderate fear of intimacy. They could be the nicest, kindest, most attractive and successful person, but you are NOT going to have your basic needs met if they fear intimacy.fearofintimacy

It should be noted that the intimacy under discussion here is not sexual intimacy, though also quite important. Couples can have an amazing and fulfilling sexual relationship, yet sex cannot fulfill the emotional intimacy discussed above, and any relationship lacking it is doomed to failure.

Take this Fear of Intimacy Quiz to determine to what extent you or your partner fear intimacy. It says it’s for a “boyfriend” but it works for both men and women.

Sense of Autonomy, Agency and Control

Humhumanfreedomans have a basic need to be free to do what one wants, within certain limits of course. Any relationship where one partner is restricting the freedom of the other is dangerous and should be dissolved. Some examples of what to watch out for are a partner who is over-controlling, doesn’t let you go out with friends and is always wanting to know where are you are what you are doing. If this sounds like your ex, then move on. They are not worth getting back together with.





communityBeing Part of a Community

Related to the previous need, humans need to feel part of a wider community. If your ex was trying to limit or completely prevent your engagement with friends and family, then be thankful the relationship is over.

Also related to the two previous needs, a healthy relationship is one where both have a sacred respect for each other’s privacy.






Still asking: Should I Get Back Together With My Ex?decisiondecisions

Are you still wondering if you should get back together or not? If you feel, after careful reflection of your basic needs outlined above, that your ex was meeting them more than violating them, then it is definitely worth considering getting back together. If on the other hand, you have determined that your ex violated your basic human needs, or was actively involved in thwarting them, then make EVERY effort to resist ANY desire you have to get back together with him or her. Keep calm and move on.

5 Ways To Write Getting Back Together Letters

Getting Back Together Letters

After reading the article below, review these fail safe tips for writing effective getting back together letters.

Though not always highly recommended by your buddies, there are tons of ways to win back your ex. Oftentimes, good relationships break because of worry or doubt and sometimes both parties realize that getting back together is a good idea.  If this happens to you, a good way to re-initiate your relationship is by writing a sincere getting back together letter. It’s a great way to get your emotions across clearly and a good way to flush them out for your own contemplation.  Hey, worst-case scenario, your ex has some funny refrigerator material if things don’t wok out.  Here are a few tips for making the first—well, second, move.

Write Emails

Though e-mail used to seem too casual for relationship communication in the not-too-distant past, we are now full-force in the digital age.  The use of e-mails for initiating a relationship rekindling can now work to your advantage, as they are a great non-aggressive way to convey your feelings without applying too much pressure.  Your ex is more likely to get them quickly and respond, opening the lines of communication.  Just be sure they’re from the heart, or she’ll have a lot more fridge-fodder than you’d like her too! Read more 5 Ways To Write Getting Back Together Letters

5 Tips To Fix a Broken Relationship

Fix a Broken Relationship

So, you are looking for ways to fix a broken relationship. Almost every relationship will run into some bumps in the road, no matter who you are.  Because people are so dynamic and life will change your situation as well as yourselves, all relationships will have certain issues at some point. Some can be quite easy to address with effective communication, some are more challenging and may need a lot of attention and effort.  If you are trying to fix a damaged relationship, you’ll want to be careful—be sure to take all necessary steps and consider all points of view so that fixing what’s broken is possible. In addition to the help you will find here, I strongly suggest you look over these tips carefully if you want to repair your relationship. Read more 5 Tips To Fix a Broken Relationship

5 Tips for How to Deal with Unrequited Love

How to deal with unrequited love

So you want to know how to deal with unrequited love. It’s not always easy when we love someone or think we love someone and they don’t love us back. It can be very hard to deal with this kind of rejection, as well as your feelings if they linger but go unreciprocated.  If you are dealing with such feelings, then it’s important to take several steps in addressing them in order to get over the feelings of rejection and regain control of your emotions.  Here are a few simple tips to help you start. Read more 5 Tips for How to Deal with Unrequited Love

Win Back Love: An Effective Guide To Help You Get Your Ex Back After A Breakup

I don’t remember a pain worse than the one I felt when the girl I wanted to marry broke up with me. I would think of her from the moment I woke up until I went to bed at night. Everything around me reminded me of her, like the places we ate and the music we listened to.

It was so hard to get through each day. Every waking moment was spent thinking of her. I was a teacher at the time. As I was teaching my students, every other available part of my mind was thinking of her. During the breaks in between classes, I would stare out the window thinking of her.

“Win Back Love” shows you how to get your ex back in a step-by-step fashion. The system is guaranteed! This book also focuses on the most common mistakes people make when dealing with a breakup. She covers those mistakes we often make that ruin our chances of ever getting back together with our ex. There is nothing more painful than knowing you could have gotten your ex back if you only hadn’t made those “silly mistakes”.

Magic Of Making Up: Simple Step-by-Step Guide To Get Your Ex Back

Unbelievable! “The Magic of Making UP” is THE program for repairing a broken relationship. The book outlines a step-by-step approach to help you win your ex back for good. This book goes beyond advice. It is an easy-to-follow step-by-step plan that is guaranteed to succeed.

The proven system in this book is not the stale and lame advice that comes from relationship counselors or therapists. No way! This is a practical and down-to-earth system that works.

The best part about this book is it provides you several easy-to-do strategies and tells exactly when to do them. The right strategy at the wrong time can lead to failure. The information in this book makes sure you are doing the right step at the right time.

Show Me How To Get My Ex Back In 5 Steps

Show Me How To Get My Ex Back In 5 Steps

“Can you show me how to get my ex back?” My heart goes out to all that ask this question. I have had my heart broken before. I have had someone I care about deeply breakup with me before. I know how painful and uncomfortable it can be.

Go to Magic of Making Up

Here are 5 steps that can help you get your ex back:

One – Get Your Head On Straight

Are you losing sleep over being separated from your ex? Do you wake up at five in the morning and can’t get back to sleep because you are thinking too much about this? I feel your pain and I have been there before.

You need to try and bring yourself out of this funk at least a little before you try to repair the relationship. You are in danger of behaving in a way that can turn off your ex. You can come across too needy in this state. Spend more time with friends and try to recover emotionally a little bit, then move forward with a plan.

Two – Don’t Beg

Begging goes together with neediness. This kind of behavior is more likely to turn your ex off from you, not attract him or her back to you.

Three – Show Your Ex A New Side Of You

Showing your ex a side he or she is unfamiliar with will be fresh to them. They think they already know you, but there is probably quite a bit they don’t know about you. Start exercising or take a foreign language class at a local college or university. Go jogging or for walks in the park. Seeing you behave or do things they have never seen you do before will be intriguing to him or her.

Four – Don’t Regret Past Mistakes

Now is the only time and place that life happens. Dwelling on the past will not change anything and can only make you feel depressed. One thinker has called regretting the past a form of insanity because it is a self defeating behavior that brings no benefit and only pain.

Five – Develop a Strategy

Haphazardly trying this and that with no long term plan is likely to make you seem desperate. Develop a solid plan and stick with it.

I dated a girl for eight months. During this whole time her ex boyfriend would call her once or twice a week. He was very patient and didn’t come across needy at all. Eventually she and I broke up and he was right there to swoop in and get her back. That’s what I call a patient and long term strategy. Not all strategies need to take this long. What you need to do now is find out what your unique “next step” is. Are you ready?

Getting Your Ex Back In 4 Proven Steps

Getting your ex back is not as hard as you think. You can get your ex back with proven steps. A breakup is something that most people will experience at least once in their life. Furthermore, plenty of people successfully get back together with an ex after a breakup. You can too.

If you want your ex back, it probably means that the relationship is indeed worth saving. Let’s assume that there was no violence, drugs or anything else of this nature involved in the breakup. Otherwise, you are better off not going back.

Go to Magic of Making Up

In the honeymoon stage of most relationships there is nothing your lover can do to make you upset or angry. All you can think about is being together with him or her. This ‘blindfold’ covers up those things about your partner that otherwise would bother you.

Sure enough, as soon as the honeymoon wears off, you start fighting and arguing. Also, little habits or behaviors in your partner begin to bother you, and yours bother him or her. This is normal. But if a couple isn’t ready for this then it could lead to a breakup.

Regardless of what the cause of your breakup is, these four steps are essential in EVERY situation if you want to get your ex back.

The 4 Steps To Getting Your Ex Back

Of course, there are other things they may need to be considered. However, these four steps are basic and precede anything else you do. Follow the link below for additional steps on repairing and maintaining a healthy, long relationship.

Step One – Reflect On Your Contribution To The Breakup and Say Sorry

You need to apologize for the part you played in the breakup. Even if you think your ex is responsible, you still contributed. Understand what you did wrong and state that in your apology.

In addition, if your ex was responsible, forgive them. Give them a fresh start. This is important and should not be overlooked.

Step Two – Communicate

You and your ex are going to have to talk things over. It is VERY important that you don’t expect to be ‘back together’ as a result of sitting down together and talking things over. Don’t be so impatient. The goal of the talk should be to merely discuss the issues. If more comes of it, don’t put on the gas fully straight away. Ease back into the relationship slowly.

Step Three – Back Off

After apologizing and talking things over, give your ex some space. This is the exact opposite of what you want to do. Resist the desire jump back in head first. Giving each other a little space will actually develop in both of you a stronger desire to be together. Giving your ex some space will make him or her miss you.

Step Four – Be Emotionally Healthy

Show your ex how emotionally healthy you are. Do not be needy, upset or depressed. Nothing will turn your ex off more than you being sulky and sad. He or she will feel you are an emotional burden and as a result you will drive them away.

These four steps are foundational. Ponder them and implement them.  Once you do, you will be ready for the next step.

How To Get Your Ex Back Easily

How To Get Your Ex Back Easily

Have you broken up and now want to know how to get your ex back? Do you feel at a loss because it seems impossible to get things back the way they were. Break ups happen everyday. If you are older then you have no doubt been through this before. If you are younger, it can sometimes feel like the world is coming apart.

Follow these steps if you want to know how to get your ex back. It isn’t impossible. If you take the right steps and put in some effort and work, you can get things back the way they used to be.

Believe it or not, your chances of getting back with your loved one are extremely good. You just need to know what to do and what not to do.

The first thing you need to do to get your ex back is reflect very carefully on what caused the break up. There are two things you need to consider here. On the one hand, it is likely that you are not deeply aware of why you broke up. If this is the case you have to reflect and strive to understand what caused the break up. Of course, the reason could be clear to you already.

Additionally, you have to let go of any mistakes you made. Clinging to past mistakes will not help you reach your goal and could actually get in your way.

The second step is to determine whether or not you are being needy. It’s ok to feel needy inside, but it is really important not to let it become obvious to your ex. To get your ex back you will need to remain strong and demonstrate to your ex that you are stable and have your head on straight. The chances of getting your ex back greatly increase if you come across strong and confident. On the other hand, being needy will likely annoy your ex and others around you and cause them to become frustrated.

Perhaps you are angry with your ex right now. You may even be thinking about ways to get revenge for the break up or get back at him or her for what they did to you. Resist this temptation. It may make you feel better, but it makes you look real bad. Perhaps your ex already wants you back and acting immature could destroy your chances. You don’t want to make it any easier for your ex to leave you permanently. The simple act of being mature should make you more attractive to your ex.

These are the crucial beginning steps to help you get your ex back and repair your relationship.